Army hackers wanted (push-ups optional) while AI culls the bureaucratic herd
Farage wants to be friends with benefits, property slowcoaches punished, and Gen Z hate their phones
Paris pips us in the AI race, private shrinkage, and a 50% migration markdown
Fish for guns, breweries going under, and particularly morbid obesity
Voters regret backing Labour as dodgy sperm donors flood the gene pool
Britain celebrates being the "least worst" economy, millionaires abandon ship, and supermarkets lose your data
Starmer channels his inner Farage, employers wonder if they can afford to hire anyone, and Brits blow their savings on gazebos they'll use exactly twice
Teenage train drivers, Ed Miliband's hanging around in car parks, and Wikipedia is standing up to the UK government
British beef gets tariff grief, mortgage gambles, and how clean energy fell to the Danes
Deliveroo's being delivered to new owners, and Royal Mail just got Czech-mated
Reform's local landslide, artists vs. AI, and the Bitcoin borrowing ban
