I am just a man made of clay

Good morning, you glorious beasts.

Labour's homelessness minister has evicted four tenants from her east London townhouse under the pretence of selling, only to relist the property for £700 more per month.

Quite prescient of her, given Labour's upcoming Renters’ Rights Bill will ban landlords from rent-hiking for six months after ending tenancies.

Nothing like beating your own deadline.

— Ed & Joe

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RETAIL
Britain’s advertising watchdog is on a banning spree

Has anyone else noticed? The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) has been banning ads all over town this week with wanton pleasure. 

BrewDog is on a tight leash

All it took was just one complaint. 

ASA banned the ad because it allegedly implied that its beer, Wingman, actually defeats boredom and loneliness. 

Now, I’m sure this is true – that’s what beer is for – but they didn’t provide a verifiable fact to back it up. And besides, curing loneliness via boozing is, in fact, technically alcoholism, hence why ASA called the ad “problematic”. 

Then it came after two heat pump installers

Notably EDF Energy and Aira, after being informed by their online AI sleuth, which monitors noncompliant ads. 

In their ads, both companies suggested that everyone who buys a heat pump gets a big fat government grant, neglecting to mention that these grants are subject to eligibility. 

To think: it was only a week ago that they thumped Octopus Energy for basically suggesting the same thing. 

Then they came for Zara

The company, not the minor royal, which fell into hot water with the regulator for promoting “unhealthily thin” models. I’m sure the one person who had initially complained felt pretty bloody vindicated afterwards. 

This was only two weeks after they came after M&S for exactly the same reason. 

Is this a sign of rising regulatory puritanism? 

That’s not for me to say for, despite appearances, I am just a man made of clay. All I know is this: ACA has more eyeballs now. 

In 2021, ACA started developing an Active Ad Monitoring System, powered by AI. By 2024, 94% of the 33,903 noncompliant ads were found using this AI-powered system. 

And it’s getting more powerful. In 2024, the AI system scanned 28 million ads – a tenfold increase from 2023. This year, it’ll most likely scan 50 million, as it's improving day by day. 

Less puritanism, then: more fully automated police state.

THE PINT
Imagine the Economist had a drunken love child with a meme page. That’s The Pint

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JOBS
Half of British companies want to kill hybrid working

According to a survey by the British Chamber of Commerce, which found that 48% of our bosses will force us back into the office every bloody day. Which is mad, considering: 

We’d rather quit than see their stupid faces ever again

At least, most of us. According to King's College London, 58% of us would quit our jobs immediately if forced to return. 

Research by Hays found that there’s a gender split insofar as women are more likely to quit than men.

Indeed, it’s a complex picture

Like a photo of me on a bicycle posing in Lycra. 

Because two-thirds of B2B service firms still opt for hybrid models, while 61-2% of manufacturers and customer-facing companies want their workers in the office daily. 

Is this the death of the hybrid model? 

I’d like to see those bastards try. Because the more highly paid you are, the more likely you are to work hybrid. And there’s currently a shortage of highly skilled professionals.

Bosses can’t really afford to issue such mandates when the only people they’re interested in hiring are highly skilled professionals – the very people who work from home. 

And they can’t replace them with ChatGPT – yet.

BUREAUCRACY
Civil servants are a cheap date for ransomware hackers

Because 8 out of 10 public sector organisations targeted by ransomware attackers paid the ransom in the last 12 months. Which is obviously annoying because that’s our money. Fools. Anyway: 

This is 14% higher than private sector organisations. 

Oh yes: whether from cowardice or incompetence, civil servants are more likely to pay out. 

Perhaps this is why the government just proposed to ban public sector organisations from paying ransoms to these teenage pirates, who are using increasingly aggressive tactics. 

They’re threatening to hurt executives. Weirdly enough, they’re even threatening to grass on companies to the authorities if they don’t pay up. 

The ban doesn’t extend to the private sector

Which makes sense. 

Businesspeople wouldn’t obey the law anyway. Just 10% said they’d comply with a ban if it were to be imposed. 

Can’t blame them. 

NEWS BITES
This just in…

• 🏦 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 The Bank of England just cut interest rates to 4%. The decision to do so passed by a cat’s whisker. That’s the lowest interest rates have been in two years. Let’s see if the economy responds. 

• ☁️ ♻️ Most vapers are now using refillable vapes. Since the ban, 84% of vapers have purchased refillable vapes, up from 54%. Before the government starts getting excited about the effectiveness of banning things, one in four vapers either started smoking again or purchased disposables on the black market. 

• 🏘️ 🤷 80% of first-time buyers moved back in with their parents to save money for a property. Their parents are obviously doing alright because 68% of these first-time buyers get help from the Bank of Mummy and Daddy. Lucky, lucky them. 

• 😺 🌳 Wild cats might be reintroduced into Northumberland. And apparently 72% of Northumberlanders think it’s a smashing idea to reintroduce these “lynxes”. I do not wish to cast aspersions upon the hardy, honest northerners; however, they may have confused the wild cat native to these shores with a brand of cheap deodorant, which I hear they love. 

• 🏢 📉 If you want your business to survive, go anywhere but London. According to a recent study, the vast majority of businesses with the highest survival rate are based either in the North or Midlands. Lincoln tops the charts, closely followed by Blackburn with Darwen, and Solihull. 

• ✈️ 🧑‍🎓 International students are choosing to study in the UK based on our labour shortages, with a significant increase choosing healthcare or IT. British universities, meanwhile, have never before been flooded with so many applications from American students. I wonder why.