Knights

Good morning, you glorious beasts.

These started cropping up over the past week…

Don’t worry. You’re safe here.

— Ed & Joe

CYBERSECURITY
A weak password defeated the Knights of Old

And now 700 people have lost their jobs after ransomware hackers targeted the Northampton logistics company KNP (oft known as the Knights of Old). And it’s all because: 

They guessed an employee’s password

After which the hackers, going by the name Akira, encrypted the company’s data, locked them out of their systems, and issued the 158-year-old company with a ransom note: 

"If you're reading this, it means the internal infrastructure of your company is fully or partially dead…Let's keep all the tears and resentment to ourselves and try to build a constructive dialogue.”

Akira didn’t name a price

But experts reckoned it was upwards of £5 million - money that they didn’

In the end, all the data was lost. And the Knights of Old went under. 

There were 19,000 ransomware attacks on British businesses last year

Which means the number has doubled in the last 2 years. 

The number is probably higher because so many go unreported owing to the shame and self-loathing. The government is even considering making reporting mandatory. 

The average ransom demand is £4 million, and more than half of companies pay up, normally 103% of the ransom demand – much higher than the global average of 85%. We’re a nation of cowards, basically. 

Most hackers just blag their way into systems

By guesswork and trickery, which is typical of this new generation of hackers, many of whom have come to hacking via gaming, apparently. 

According to the director general of the NCA, it’s sometimes as easy as just conning help desks, then installing ransomware bought on the Dark Web to mass-download data and freeze systems.

Far better for the government to hire these pirates, you glorious beasts, and put their skills to good use. 

BANKS
Two pro-Palestine organisations have had their bank accounts frozen

Virgin Money froze the account of Greater Manchester Friends for Palestine, while Unity Trust did the same for Scottish Palestine Solidarity Campaign (PSC). The banks haven’t exactly been forthcoming as to why. However:

It probably has something to do with Palestine Action

Which was banned earlier this month as a terrorist organisation, with 100 of its supporters arrested. 

Scottish PSC said their account was frozen because it had a button on its website to donate to Palestine Action. Despite removing the button when Palestine Action was banned, Unity Trust still froze their account.

In all fairness: 

Banks have to be bloody careful

By providing accounts to organisations affiliated with a proscribed terrorist organisation. 

They could be convicted for, even unwittingly, aiding and abetting groups involved in “terrorist financing”. 

Curiously, this is the first time a left-wing group has been de-banked in recent years.

De-banking was once the reserve of the right

With the likes of Nigel Farage having their bank accounts frozen. According to internal documents, it was because he’s a bit of a chauvinist pig. 

Across the pond, meanwhile, getting your bank account frozen is almost a rite of passage in right-wing circles, having fast become the rallying cry of right-wingers like Donald Trump against the ‘deep state’. 

This is why we should all just buy gold and bury it deep beneath a mountain. 

AI
The government just signed a deal with OpenAI

It’ll apparently help improve Britain’s sluggish public services, freeing civil servants from manual tasks, allowing them to focus on strategic stuff they’re not qualified to do. But anyway: 

We’ll have an “information sharing program”

The government wants OpenAI’s researchers, basically, to find ways that ChatGPT can be deployed across government departments like justice, defence, and security. 

Plus, OpenAI will look into building massive data centres in our green and pleasant land. 

All in the name of turning the UK into an “AI superpower”, and pouring some fuel into our lifeless economy, dragging itself along at a growth rate of 0.2%. 

But people are concerned

Because under the terms of the agreement, OpenAI - a foreign private company - will have access to enormous amounts of public data. 

Privacy campaigners have called the move “dangerously naive”. 

This isn’t the first time the government has done this

They’ve struck deals with the likes of Google and Anthropic, too. 

In fact, the civil service already uses a version of ChatGPT in its AI assistant, Humphry. 

NEWS BITES
This just in…

• 🏦 🤔 Nearly half of all accountancy firms are open to private equity buyouts. And it’s all because stakeholders at accountancy firms need money to invest in technology. Concerns remain, though, among partners, particularly around losing independence. Others were worried that they’d enter a regulatory hellhole, as their independence as auditors might be compromised. 

• 🍕 🤖 Domino's is trialling robot pizza delivery dogs to stop seagulls. Dominos is literally sending its domidogs to deliver pizzas to people hanging out on the beach. The first trial was in Eastbourne. These robot dogs can walk autonomously via sensors, cameras and advanced localisation tech. Finally: a multinational company using technology for the power of good, not evil. 

• 🏘️ 📉 House prices fell 1.6% this month, which is the biggest monthly drop in 20 years. Huzzah! According to RightMove, London saw the biggest fall in house prices. Average asking prices are just 0.1% higher than they were a year ago, but earnings are 5% higher. It’s a good time to buy, basically. There are more houses on the market, and sellers are pricing more competitively. 

• 🍻 🥹 BrewDog is closing 10 pubs across the UK, including ones in Shepherd’s Bush, Camden and Shoreditch. Staff were given 3 days’ notice of the closures. Apparently, running these pubs wasn’t viable due to their location and size, and it isn’t just because the UK government has made the hospitality industry impossible to run. 

• 💸 🔥 The government borrowed more than expected in June, so now everyone expects it to raise taxes this autumn. The government borrowed £20.7 billion in June alone, which is the highest monthly borrowing costs since records began (in 1993), and much higher than the £16 billion forecast by blokes in the City of London. Government borrowing hasn’t been higher since WWII, only surpassed by the pandemic. Emigrate while you can, friends…