Manacled gimp

Fish for guns, breweries going under, and particularly morbid obesity

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Good morning, you glorious beasts.

The UK’s 50 wealthiest families now hold more wealth than the bottom 50% of the population.

Between 1990 - 2024, billionaire wealth increased 1000% and the number of billionaires went from 15 to 165.

Meanwhile, Greggs is the latest to change store layouts to stem rising shoplifting, moving their self-serve fridges behind the counter.

This is probably all fine and nothing to worry about.

BREXIT
Victory or surrender?

The government has bagged a trade deal with the EU. I believe that’s a “hat-trick”. Starmer called it a “win-win”. Farage called it “abject surrender”. 

Political posturing aside:

What the hell happened? 

In short: if we let Europeans go fishing in our waters, they will stop scrutinising our sausages. 

  • European boats can access British waters until 2038 (and take our fish with their massive rods)

  • In return, the EU will drop most export controls on our animal and plant products under a new sanitary and phytosanitary (SPS) agreement. 

  • Plus, they won’t hit us with a new tax on goods produced with lots of pollution.  

Not a bad start, considering that meat exports to the EU dropped by a third since 2019, according to the Food and Drink Federation. 

Tit for tat, friends. Tit for bloody tat.  

Why is everyone fuming?

Boris Johnson described the Sir Keir Starmer as the “manacled gimp of Brussels”. Which is funny. But why?

  1. We’ll have to pay the EU an undisclosed sum of money to do all of this. 

  2. The deal does screw over British fishermen (but, then again, they only contribute 0.03% of our GDP and provide just 10,000 jobs)

  3. We’ll have to follow EU standards if we want them to see our magnificent sausages.

Farage said this marks “the end of the fishing industry”, even though it’s nearly exactly the same set-up that Boris Johnson made in 2019. 

So why sacrifice fishermen? What have fishermen ever done to Starmer?

Business is bloody

It’s a question of supply versus demand. 

What with all the wars erupting across the world - and WWIII looming on the horizon like a weird uncle at Christmas - Starmer sniffed an opportunity. 

Under the deal, UK companies can

  • bid for EU defence contracts

  • access loans from an EU defence fund. 

Which will help the 164,000 people employed in the UK arms industry, which is the seventh-largest in the world. 

Their fear, our prize.

What about my sister’s gap yah?

  • UK citizens can use e-gates at EU ports-of-entry but only if the country in question permits it. 

  • We’ll explore the possibility of creating a youth mobility scheme 

  • And (maybe) we’ll rejoin the Erasmus program. 

So, all in all: 

Fishermen sacrificed for the British arms industry.

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HEALTH
Britain is dying (and it’s worst up North)

Even though we smoke and drink less, British people are dying at higher rates than other developed nations like Japan, Australia, and the EU states.

The facts are these:

Death rates for people under 50 have got much worse recently for preventable things:

  • Drug-related deaths in 2023 were twice the amount they were in 2012. 

  • Rising levels of obesity and resulting cardiovascular deaths. 

Drug-related deaths in 2019 were three times higher than most other countries. 

The death of innocence 

Young Brits of both sexes are dying in greater numbers, all the while fewer people are dying in other countries.

Between 1990 and 2023:

  • Deaths among women rose by 46% (now fourth highest among developed nations)

  • For men, 31% (now sixth highest).

Why are we sicker? 

  • Poor diets - we eat more ultraprocessed food than other countries

  • Poor work/life balance - we’re too overworked to exercise, says the British Medical Association. 

It’s grim up north

There are glaring regional disparities in these deaths, which have political implications that should make establishment parties wake up. 

Drug-related morality in 2019, for example, was

  • 4 times higher in Scotland than in England 

  • 4 times higher in N.E. England than in London. 

Make no mistake: regions with the worst health voted Reform. 

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PUBS
Last orders for British brewing

British breweries are a dying breed, according to the latest statistics. The UK has 136 fewer breweries than it did last year. In fact, they’ve been declining since 2019, when it reached its peak. 

So why?

  • Brewers and drinkers pay more in tax (second highest in Europe, mind)

  • Overheads have increased (rent, energy and water)

  • Brexit meant we lost a massive market

  • People have less cash to burn due to the cost-of-living crisis

  • And fewer people are getting drunk because of so-called “lifestyle choices”.

What can we do? 

The CEO of the Society of Independent Brewers and Associates said we should

  • Lower the tax burden for pubs

  • Lower direct taxes on brewers

  • And open up access for breweries to sell to local pubs (who are controlled by the “global beer supply chain”.

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NEWS BITES
This just in…

  • 🏘️ 📈 Rachel Reeves is not coming for your ISA. Thank heavens for that. The government planned to start taxing ISAs over £4,000 as opposed to £20,000, which would have hit millions of savers. To be fair to Rachel, it was for the right reasons: she wanted people to invest in stocks and shares. 

  • ✂️ 🎈 We’re cutting interest rates too fast, according to the Bank of England’s chief economist. He’s worried that, while wage growth is better than anticipated, companies might start upping prices, hiking inflation in doing so, and destroying all the good work they’ve been doing.

  • 🤖 🚕 Robotaxis will be on British streets by 2027, says the government, pushing back the date from 2026. Uber, meanwhile, says it’s ready right now. They say a UK self-driving industry could be worth £42 billion and create 38,000 jobs by 2035, forgetting, of course, the number of taxi and lorry drivers who’ll lose their jobs.

  • 📺️ 📉 ITV is slashing its budget, taking a chainsaw to Loose Women and Lorraine (the poor women), as well as Good Morning Britain and This Morning. More than half of the people employed in these shows will lose their jobs, and air time will be halved too. Why? They’ll use the savings to spend money on better content.