Curfew

Good morning, you glorious beasts.

UK food companies are piloting an AI system that has reduced food waste by 87% in trials.

It identifies wonky products that can't be sold to retailers, but are perfectly fine for charity redistribution.

Apparently the trial could save 1.5 million meals from being wasted, which would be lovely.

Not like us to open with some good news. The long weekend has clearly softened us.

HOUSING
House builders under the hammer

The government are imposing strict regulations on property developers. They will build their 1.5 million homes by 2030, so help me God.

What’s going on? 

In short, housing developers will be punished like the bad boys they are if they’re too slow.

• The government will seize their unfinished sites

• Fine them

• And stop them from building ever again.

A little much? Should the government just calm down?

Let’s dig a little deeper

Until now, housing developers had a pretty easy time of it, the dogs:

• They didn’t have to commit to a timeframe

• Or deliver annual progress reports

Which I do, literally every day, for my job. 

This lovely situation made it easier for those aforementioned dogs to actually delay construction until the price was right.

Which just isn’t cricket

Because:

• 40% of the workforce can’t afford to buy their first home

• 1.3 million families are on council housing waiting lists

• And the housing market - defined by chronic shortages - is insanely expensive. 

Will it work?

Even the government admit it’s a wild target. 

But the Office for National Statistics (ONS) think housebuilding will rise to its highest level since Thatcher. 

Let’s wait and see. 

What’s the worst that can happen? We can always vote them out.

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WESTMINSTER
Farage just suddenly lurves the welfare state

Reform leader Nigel Farage - former commodities trader, Thatcher-lover, and all-round free market liberal - is now the welfare state’s greatest champion. However, Angela Rayner said, “Farage says a lot of things.” So:

What’s going on?

According to Nigel, he now supports: 

• Removing the child benefit cap

• Reintroducing the winter fuel allowance for pensioners. 

Both of which would be extremely popular. Both of which the government is currently fighting over. It’s a question of:

Competence or votes?

A £5 billion question.

• The old winter fuel payment system costs about £2 billion a year

• Removing the child benefit cap will cost £3.5 billion. 

Starmer wants Labour to be seen as a competent economic manager, but backbenchers have already rebelled over these issues because: 

• The child benefit will push 4.8 million children into poverty by the next election

• And 10 million pensioners (who are more likely to vote) stand to gain from winter fuel payments. 

Does Farage mean it?

It makes sense, strategically.

• Reform’s voters are more likely to be working class and older. 

• They say they’ll pay for it by scrapping the Net Zero targets and hotels for asylum seekers (which cost £8 million a day). 

Considering that Reform is now the most popular party in the UK, Starmer should find that money sharpish. 

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INTERNET
Are we breeding a clutch of depressed, burnt-out liars?

Young people hate the internet, according to a survey by the British Standards Institution. Yes, you read that right - so tell your nan who constantly bangs on about “young people and their phones”. 

They lament the world they were born into

• Almost half of 16 to 21-year-olds wish the internet had never existed (tragic)

• 70% say they feel worse after using social media (shock horror)

• Half support a digital curfew after 10 pm (the little tyrants).

Although, even the government is considering introducing a curfew on TikTok and Instagram.  

Is the internet breeding a generation of liars?

The survey found that:

• 42% have lied about their age online

• 40% have a decoy phone to evade parental scrutiny

• 27% admit to pretending they’re a different person online. 

However, teenagers lying to their parents is nothing new. Yes, mother, I was just watching a documentary.

NEWS BITES
This just in…

• 🧑‍💼 😵‍💫 Professionals feel less in control of their work than they did before. Which is weird. This downward trend - usually evident among low-paid jobs since the 1990s - caught up with skilled workers after 2017. One of the researchers blamed “digital technologies” like real-time tracking of work schedules. 

• 🍗 🤑 KFC plans to invest £1.5 billion in the UK and Ireland, create 7,000 new jobs, and open 500 new outlets. All because fried chicken is booming. Two thirds of hospitality businesses plan to cut staff. Who said the UK was an investment black hole, eh? Who said the government can’t create skilled jobs?

• 💼 📱 Fintech companies are expected to start mass-hiring after multiple UK companies got absolutely battered this last month by clutch of teenage hackers. That’s a 32% increase in 2025. The hiring of risk and compliance staff will rise 29%, and financial crime professionals will soar 50%. Companies are absolutely terrified. 

• 🔵 👱 Tories are discussing plans to bring back Boris Johnson after the Tories dropped to fourth place in the polls. Recent polling data suggests that under Kemi’s leadership, the Tories would finish in third place. Under Boris’s, they’d be the most popular party. 

• 💷 📈 Salaries have risen 9% this year - the biggest rise in 3 years. And now the bots at the Bank of England are worried. Because companies might start increasing prices. Do they continue to cut interest rates (and stimulate growth) or wait and see for inflation to cool? 

• 🇬🇧 🤏 The UK economy will grow a teensy-weensy bit more than expected - a staggering two percentile points more. This is according to the IMF. Instead of growing 1.2% in 2026, it’ll grow 1.4%. Thanks, chaps. Alas, my yacht buying spree will sadly be postponed - again.

How can you let people know you’re cool and mysterious?

Share Bunce with your friends. 

Not only will people know you’re cool (you read Bunce after all), but you’ll get free stuff emblazoned with “Bunce”.

This will make you more mysterious because no one knows what Bunce is. Yet. 

These are scientific facts. 

So don’t be anti-science: spew us everywhere like an airborne disease.